


Fill in the Blank

by DrowningByDegrees



Series: I'm Better Where You Are [2]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Because Jaskier does not have a monopoly on yearning, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Oblivious Jaskier | Dandelion, Pining, Pining Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27140011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningByDegrees/pseuds/DrowningByDegrees
Summary: “I want nothing.”The thing is, it’s not a lie. Notreally. It’s just that it’s an incomplete sentence.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: I'm Better Where You Are [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1699096
Comments: 39
Kudos: 376





	Fill in the Blank

“I want nothing.” 

The thing is, it’s not a lie. Not _really_. It’s just that it’s an incomplete sentence. I want nothing there is room for in the life of a witcher. I want nothing I have any right to long for. I want nothing I think you would give. I want nothing _reasonable_. 

These are the ways that sentence ends, and so it’s simpler, Geralt thinks, to stop short of that kind of vulnerability. He can’t imagine that’s what Jaskier is asking anyway. 

“You always say that.” Jaskier smiles at Geralt across the campfire, the expression softened by the light on his face and the shadows crowding in at his back. 

Does he? Geralt supposes he does, but what else is he going to say? “And yet, you keep asking.”

“Of course I do,” Jaskier insists in a way that sounds like he thinks this should be obvious. And who knows, really, if it would be to someone else? Someone else is not Geralt, who is only taken more by surprise when Jaskier adds, “I keep hoping one day you’ll tell me the truth.”

“Who says I’m not already?” It’s not a lie either, even if it’s very much a deflection from the truth. Geralt knows it’s too much to expect Jaskier might drop it, but a man can hope. 

As expected, Jaskier doesn’t drop it. He scoots perilously closer, shaking his head at the witcher. “Honestly, Geralt. I’m not stupid.”

Their usual back and forth of teasing and sarcasm is more comfortable than the kind of honesty that Jaskier is currently after. In lieu of a reply, Geralt lifts a brow at Jaskier, mostly for the offended sound the bard makes. Normally, this is the part where whatever serious conversation they’re having derails, and Jaskier rants about whatever particular affront he’s been subjected to. 

“Not about this, I’m not. To yearn for things is an inescapable aspect of humanity and-” Geralt doesn’t know when Jaskier got so close, but as soon as he opens his mouth to say something, the bard’s fingers press warmly against his lips. "No, don’t interrupt. Whatever the world tells you, you are the most human person I know.”

“What is it you think I want?” Geralt asks, because if he’s the one posing a question, it’s time where Jaskier is not. The answer, sadly, doesn’t really but Geralt any time or space to think. All it gets him is that fond look Jaskier gives him sometimes, haunting in its proximity to the sort of affection Geralt wants. “Dunno. That’s why I keep asking.” 

There’s nothing he can say to that that won’t give him away. Geralt could shut down the conversation or flee entirely, but somehow it feels like he’s just delaying some inevitable ruin. Jaskier can’t possibly know what he’s asking for, and Geralt can’t possibly risk what he’s been given in pursuit of something he’s got no right to.

“You don’t have to tell me.” In the end, it’s Jaskier who rescues Geralt from his own indecision. “But don’t think you’re fooling anyone.” 

It could be over. He could talk about something else. For once, Jaskier isn’t pressing him for answers, so Geralt really has no idea what compels him to ask, “Why?

Judging by the way Jaskier’s eyebrows abruptly try to flee to his hairline, he wasn’t expecting the question either. “Why… what?”

Now that he’s had time to consider, it’s really only the fact that he dug himself into this that makes Geralt bother to clarify. “Why do you want to know?” 

“Oh…” Jaskier huffs out a laugh and bumps his shoulder companionably against Geralt’s. “Because, you great fool, you’re dear to me.” 

And that’s the end of it. Sort of. Jaskier settles nearly close enough to touch, content to watch the merrily burning fire. It feels almost surreal, like an empty street in a bustling marketplace, and it leaves Geralt aching. The worst part of his foolish, runaway feelings is that it’s nothing so simple as wanting to tumble into bed together, however pleasant that might be. It’s this moment, right here, where they just exist together, where he can imagine Jaskier is drawn in by more than a platonic sort of companionship.

“What do you want?” Geralt finds himself asking, because he wants to know, truly. Jaskier has an uncanny knack for talking incessantly without actually telling anyone anything, but perhaps he won’t dodge a direct question.

Jaskier lights up like Geralt has made his entire year, all excitement and unnecessary animation.“All sorts of things. I want the whole continent to know who I am. I want to capture the best and the worst of the world we move through and _share_ it. I want all the adventure life has to offer.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Geralt spots Jaskier rubbing his fingers and thumb together as he quiets once more. It’s a familiar habit after all this time, a self soothing behavior Jaskier turns to when he’s nervous or lost in thought about something. Before Geralt can try to suss out what it means, Jaskier sighs and starts again, strangely subdued. “But mostly, I want to… to matter, I guess. Not to everyone, but to someone.”

“How do you mean?” 

The corner of Jaskier’s mouth pulls up just a hair. “I guess I just want someone’s life to be a little bit better for having me in it.”

There are so many things Geralt wishes he had the courage to give voice to. Each and every one of them fails him now that he has an opening. “Hmm.” 

\---

The bard’s words never quite leave Geralt. Not as they finish eating. Not as they put out the fire. Not as they bed down for the night. 

Jaskier sticks close the way he always does this time of year, when the chill in the air is harder to fend off. Even in their respective bedrolls, Jaskier is near enough that Geralt can feel the warmth emanating from his body. It’s soothing in a way Geralt hates himself for taking some measure of refuge in. 

Honesty in its entirety is easier in the dark though. Not about the things he wants. He will perhaps never divulge that, but… “You already have that last one,” he says quietly before he can second guess himself. 

“Hmm?” Jaskier rolls over to face Geralt, one bright blue eye cracked open. 

“You said you wanted someone’s…” Geralt sighs and wishes he didn’t have to finish that sentence. Nevermind that he’s the one who started it. “Life to be better because you exist.”

It’s not a confession. It’s _not_. But Geralt’s heart insists on picking up its pace anyway as he waits for Jaskier to reply with something besides what looks to be stunned silence. 

“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Before Geralt can protest, Jaskier’s arm is draped around him, dragging the witcher into a haphazard embrace. Jaskier's fingers splay out between Geralt’s shoulder blades like they're made to fit there. 

If he were a better man, he would pull away for both their sakes, Geralt thinks. But Jaskier’s palm is a brand right through his shirt, and the bard’s head is tucked comfortably under Geralt’s chin, and letting go is a bridge too far right now. 

So Geralt stays, allowing the unexpected intimacy of it all, right up until Jaskier mumbles against his collarbone. “I am absolutely going to remind you of this the next time you grouch at me.”

“Nevermind. I take it back.” The foray back towards their usual banter is a welcome thing, even more so because it’s not and either/or right now. He doesn’t have to let go to needle at Jaskier. 

And it really must be getting late or else Jaskier simply knows him too well, because the bard doesn’t even look at Geralt. “No you don’t.” 

For a time, Geralt listens to the steady in and out of Jaskier’s breathing, punctuated by warm puffs of air against his skin. This is a closeness usually reserved for too small beds and cramped quarters, places where there is some excuse to touch beyond simply that he wants to. Jaskier looks to be drifting off as if there’s no place he’d rather be though, and Geralt thinks maybe he could let it be. Just for tonight. 

“Geralt?” Jaskier mumbles, voice thick and sluggish. 

They’re on hallowed ground, it feels like, and Geralt dares not speak a word. “Hmm?”

In the silence that draws out around them, Geralt feels Jaskier’s mouth twist into a smile against his skin. “Me too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi! You can find me [on Tumblr](https://drowningbydegrees.tumblr.com/) or [ this one](https://drowningbydegrees-fanworks.tumblr.com/) if you're only interested in fanworks.  
> Sometimes, I also exist on [Twitter.](https://twitter.com/DrownByDegrees)  
> 


End file.
